I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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