Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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