when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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