he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
