420 ftw
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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