Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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