I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
