I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
