According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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