i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
How naked do you want me to be?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The air taste purple.
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