she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
