Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
