Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
