she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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