maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
