I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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