Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
