just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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