All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
