She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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