i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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