nut hugger
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
