I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
