just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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