Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
