batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
