I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
