what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My balls are so social today.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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