Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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