don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
