I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
