I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
