would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize