I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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