Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
