It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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