I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I don't deserve a penis
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
