I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
