i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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