Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
