Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
