This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
