This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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