so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
