saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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