I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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