I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
two words: eviction party
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
