i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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