you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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