if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
