im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
