she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
