I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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