Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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