im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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