i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
