How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If I die, sorry about rent.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
