so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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