And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
