hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
