It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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