woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
