They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
