I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
