i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
