Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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