honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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