If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
