I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize