i already hear my dad disowning me
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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