dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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