Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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