He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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