Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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