We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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