Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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