I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
