I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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