you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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