ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The best revenge is premature balding
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
