I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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