Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
