Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You pole danced in your parka.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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