good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
