I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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