i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
