I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
