theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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