My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
organizing the empties. That sober.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
