I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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