Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
