I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
