my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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