i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
